On Death and Identity

Why does death hurt if we believe in Jesus? I mean, if we're going to see all of our deceased loved ones again someday, what sadness is there? After all, don't we love to cry "Oh Death, where is your sting?!" on Easter? So why do we cry? What mourning is there to be done if a loved one has died?

I shall endeavor to answer this question here. Be forewarned, like everything else on this blog, these are my beliefs personally and you're welcome to disagree :)

What is Death?

I believe in a theory which is known as "soul sleep"; it's this idea that when you die, your soul takes a long nap until it can be reunited with your perfected body in the resurrection. I think this jives well with Scripture and simply makes sense (because I have little confidence in alternate realities and thus have a hard time placing "heaven" as an ontological place). I do think that while we are sleeping we are given the sweetest dreams in which God comes to us in fellowship and we are allowed to experience paradise at that point, but these are not to be final - that is saved for the resurrection.

So, if this is what is in store for my loved ones, then why would I cry? Hold that thought.

Who Am I?

I think that when we understand our identity it must be seen in terms of relationship. I think that part of the image of God that we bear is the necessity for relationship as the Father is in relationship to the Son and Spirit and creation as a whole and us in particular. This means that, in a sense, I am the sum of the relationships that I have - to my wife, children, parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, etc. So, when I meet someone new, I immediately give them a measure of myself and am changed to a small degree on a metaphysical level. The longer and more intimate of a relationship that I have with this person (any person), the more that they affect who I am and I them.

Why does this matter? Hold that thought too.

Putting it together as a Christian

When I take these two ideas and put them together and ask why death hurts Christians emotionally (which can lead to physical pains, but we won't go there in this post), I am brought to the following conclusion:

The pain that we feel from losing a loved one is the pain of self-separation.

This is not to say that I, as an individual am personally disintegrated, but that a part of me has metaphysically left me and there is a hole of sorts in its stead. There is pain in this and there is sorrow, but it is not at the idea that I'll never see this person again, nor is it in any doubt about their relationship to God (which is none of my business really). Instead, it hurts because I am fundamentally a different person without that loved one in my life.

Other places that the theory holds

This idea also seems sensible in the face of divorce in which a relationship that was once so intimate is now torn apart. Children and ex-spouses alike feel the void and, though they may be happy with new companions, there is still a connection to the previous life. If both people are still living, there is still a part that impacts the others identity.

This theory also supports why sex outside of marriage is a bad idea; that is, when one shares the intimate connection that a healthy sexual relationship is suppose to contain, a deep part of themselves are connected. When one promiscuously sleeps around - or even just has sex with whomever they're dating at the time, even if they only date a different person every 5 years - it is spiritually damaging and what is divinely designed to be a permanent relationship gets worn out like a screw that is stripped from overuse. There can be healing when a permanent relationship is established, but this process is painful.

Finally, this theory holds when we see childhood friends for the first time in a long time. The rekindling of relationships that have been long set aside can be one of the most beautiful moments because that part of you that has been untapped for so long can finally be re-explored. Childhood friends and school mates are great to keep around, but sometimes its sweeter to re-acquaint them later in life as well.

Concluding Thoughts

I encourage my reader to take some time to think about their relationships and life experiences in light of this theory. If every person I meet literally shapes who I am on a metaphysical level, perhaps I ought to be more careful with my relationships in general. Maybe I should be kinder to strangers who may end up having a long bearing on my life and whom I impact with my life. Perhaps my testament to the good news which is the establishment of the Kingdom of God is found more within how I shape people's lives with my friendship and not in my ability to argue well. There are profound implications and it is good to chase them out. 

In regard to the topic at our outset: grief, it is natural and healthy

to feel pain at the loss of a loved one, but listen well to Scripture to hear Jesus whisper to you "why are you crying? They're only sleeping". Allow the Spirit of God which is in you to heal the hole that has been left by a relationship lost; Christ is enough.

Peace,

C.M.

Kingdom Identity

I think that it would be somewhat accurate to say that every person has or is going/gone through a period in life in which they are trying to figure out who they are and what their purpose is. Last year, I had what I have now come to call, my quarter-life crisis. It was a time in which things were just not settled in my soul. I knew that I was meant for something that I wasn't currently doing, but didn't know what. It was stressful. It sucked. Thankfully, God has guided me out of that wilderness into the place I am now (which is not so much more defined as it is better directed).

The reason I bring this up is because today I want to tell you two things and I think it will help if I can relate them to myself. These are meant to be defining markers in discovering your Kingdom-of-God identity. The first is:

You are not the sum total of your experiences and abilities.

 Conversely, you are also not the sum total of your inexperience and inabilities. When a person holds this view, they are seeing themselves in utilitarian terms; that is, "I am only as good, acceptable, worthy-of-life, etc. as I am experienced or capable". The problem with that is that no one in the world can actually be "acceptable" to this standard. This is simply because there is too much in the universe to experience and there is too much that a human could be capable of. So where do you draw the line? When are you good enough? The answer is never; chasing that definition of yourself is like trying to sweep up that last little bit of dust into a dustpan with a lip on it -- the line will always evade you. Instead, there is a greater truth -- a better way to define yourself: 

You are the sum total of the relationships you have.

When you view your life in relational terms instead of utilitarian terms, you see the value and beauty in the world. I am only as much me as I am in relationship with all of you (whoever that is). The beautiful thing about this is that it naturally fits into how we behave as creatures. It is natural to have one relationship that filters all other relationships. For a child, this may be the parent; for a spouse, their other; for a believer, it is Christ. This means that the believer's relationship with Christ not only dictates how they see themselves, but how they see every other relationship, which in the above definition of self, circles back on how to understand oneself. This is why, as a Christian, it still hurts when loved ones of the faith die: a small part of our identity is separated from us. That part that was your mother, your uncle, your sister or brother is now separated -- and it hurts. This idea also explains why men revert to an animal state when lost in the wilderness or stranded on an island. It also explains why solitary confinement is an effective punishment. Finally, it explains why the church needs each member of the body, all in line after the head, Christ. 

The second thing I want to tell you is:

God's goodness is greater than your shortcomings.

I found written in the back of an old Bible I own this quote: "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called." While I don't believe the first part is true, I definitely agree that he equips the called. One theme that echos throughout the entirety of Scriptures is that God is faithful to provide what is needed when it is needed so that his will can be done. My failures and my sin are no stumbling block for God. My inability to produce goodness on my own is no stumbling block for God; furthermore, the same is true for you. Now, don't misunderstand, this is no excuse to do whatever you want; God still demands righteousness from those who seek him. What I'm saying here is that when we fail (and fail we will), it will never be so disastrous that God cannot make beautiful things come of our mess.

So, when you're trying to figure out who you are in creation, remember that it has little or nothing to do with what you can do and what you have experienced, but everything to do with who you commune with; who do you know? If it is Christ, the rest will fall into place; if it is not Christ which defines all other relationships, I fear you will always have an emptiness in your soul. Secondly, when discovering yourself, be courageous to step out and strive for things; Jesus said to seek his Kingdom first, not find his Kingdom first and everything shall be added to you. God does not expect us to achieve his will alone, but to strive for it, then the Spirit which is in you will carry you when your feet fail you; but what feet fail while standing still? none. You must be moving toward his will and don't be shackled by your shortcomings.

Pray that God reveals these things in your heart as I have just done in your mind. You are loved and worth loving, according to God. You are for his purpose, regardless of your personal junk.

peace,

C.M.